I Thought I Could Handle It...

© Nicole Bradshaw Photography 2015; I Thought I Could Handle It…; Los Lunas Photographer, Teacher Photographer, First Day of School; Albuquerque Wedding Photographer, New Mexico Photographer, LDS Wedding Photographer, Mom Photographer

I thought I could handle it, but I ended up crying. You see, my oldest son, Christopher, started Kindergarten about a week ago. He'd been in Preschool for two years already, and I thought that I would be perfectly fine dropping him off on his first day of Kindergarten. I wasn't. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was crying.

Christopher and I have been a team since the day he was born. It was always the two of us- until the day Josh was born, but that's another blog post. I thought I could handle being a mom to this precious gift, and I did. It wasn't always easy, but we figured it out, together.

Christopher grew into a toddler before my eyes. I thought I could handle it, and I sort of did. I mourned the baby he had been, but I embraced who he was becoming. He learned to walk, to talk, to run, to color, and to love. We had our struggles, but we still figured it out.

In what feels like the blink of an eye, Christopher was old enough to start preschool. We were blessed to have Ms. Krystal at Happy Tunes Preschool as his first teacher. Although I cried on my way home after dropping him off, I handled it. 

Before long, we started Pre-Kindergarten. Christopher was excited to go back to school, and I was glad that he loved school so much. I didn't get to drop him off on his first day of school, as I had a summer job, but I did handle it- mostly. I missed not being there with him. We made it through, though.

Our little world expanded more that year. Christopher made friends at school, and gained more independence than ever before. He was happy, and so I was happy for him.

Summer came, and we talked about how exciting Kindergarten would be. We wondered who would be in his class, who his teacher would be. We bought all his school supplies, and a few new clothes. He was ready, but I wasn't.

Before I knew it, it was the first day of school, and time to leave. I thought I could handle it, but I lost it. I was crying my eyes out. My precious boy- this gift I had been given was no longer a little boy. As I walked him to the playground, and kissed him goodbye, he reminded me that he had this- that he would be fine. And, I knew he would.

I know that he'll still need me for many more years. That I'm not done teaching him, nor he me. But, all I can think now, is, 'If I'm this bad with Kindergarten, how am I ever going to handle college and his wedding?' But, with time and lots of tears, I think I'll be able to handle that too.